I’ve wanted to write to you for a while, but didn’t know exactly how to say what it is I wanted to say.
I guess it comes down to this: I love you. I always have. Since the day I found out you were on your way. The Bible says that children are a gift, and I won’t be able to wait until you arrive. The day you get here is going to be in the top five best days of my life. To be fair, three of the others are the day I met Jesus, the day I marry your mom, and the day we get your sister. I’m not entirely sure what the other one will be, but I’m sure there is some kind of other milestone that will rank up there.
I digress.
Watching you grow up will be one of the most exciting things I’ll ever experience. I can’t wait to see your first steps, and your first smile. I can’t wait to hear your first laugh, and hear you speak your first words (Which had better be some form of “daddy”…). There will be a lot of firsts. First days of school, first skinned knee, first best friend, first world ending melt down. I’m looking forward to that one. Maybe there will be a first favorite sport, song, or book. I want to be able to remember all of those.
When you’re a kid, I plan to make it my personal mission to be at every school play, sporting event, or piano recital you have. Whatever your passion is, I want to support it. I’m sorry if it doesn’t always seem that way, or if I ever let my work get in the way of that (Although if I continue “work” like I am now…this shouldn’t be a problem).
I’m going to treat you like a prince. Because you are. You’re a child of God, who is the king. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll still get disciplined, and when you get upset with me for it, I’ll have to remind myself of how much the Bible reminds us that God centered discipline is vital for raising a child. I’ll probably have to remind myself equally as often how much it talks about love and grace. And I’ll need to remember myself at your age. While I wish you would just learn from me telling you about mistakes I’ve made, I know that there are some things you will need to find out for yourself.
When you hit your teen years? Please understand that I always doing what I thought was my best to love you. If I was ever too harsh, or got too angry, I am sorry. I wanted to show you a firm love…but love nonetheless. Like I said before though, don’t mistake discipline for anger or meanness. A large part of me was probably just scared of losing you to friends, or other influences. I’ve seen (even in my own family) what can happen when children become distant from their parents, and the results can be devastating. I’ve seen families ripped apart for years, and I have a huge fear of that happening with you. To be fair though, I’ll probably do things like give you huge hugs and kisses, and yell how much I love you in front of your friends. But, its my job as a parent to embarrass you just a little bit.
I didn’t start to follow Jesus until I was 16 years old. Know that it is one of the biggest desires of my heart to see you begin that relationship at as early an age as you truly understand what that means. And I want to see you grow in that relationship every day from that day forward. I am so scared that I won’t model His love to you enough, or live a life where you see Him through me enough, so please know that as much as I love you, I am a total screw up buddy. As your earthly father, it is my job to model God the father to you, but I will fail time and again. He never does. He is perfect, and I hope you know that because I have spent time in the Word with you day in and day out.
I love your mother very much, and I will always try to show that to you and your siblings. Let me tell you something though. There’s honestly no reason for you to “date” girls until you’ve grown up a little. I’m probably going to want you to wait until you’re 16. You can have some great friendships with girls, but you don’t need the hurt that comes along with giving your heart, and doing things physically that you’re not emotionally ready for. That being said. I know you’re going to get your heart broken at some point, and you might break a heart or two. I’ll always be there for you to talk to, and try to make sense of the situation. Things are never as bad as the heart seems to think at first. I’ve been there. Treat every girl/young lady that you meet as is she were your mother or sister (And you will treat them well…I promise), and the way you would want other guys to treat them.
Make sure that the good friends you have are going to help you grow in your relationship with Christ. That’s not to say that you can only hang out with “church” kids. In fact, I want you to hang out with peers who do not know Christ. But I want you to be doing life with people who are going to push you onward towards the goal of Christ. Be open with each other, and allow yourselves to be called out and built up by each other. I’ve also hopefully allowed other adults to come into and influence your life. Know that those adults that I’ve allowed to really pour into you are as good as your parents. I wouldn’t allow them that position in your life if I didn’t trust them with it. Even though it may hurt me at the time, you should always free to go them with something you may not want to talk to me about. But I want you to also know that you can come to me with anything.
As you grow up, and head off to college, and start a career and a family of your own (no pressure on any of those, I’m 22 and I’m not anywhere near ANY of those), I want to know you, and you to know me as a man. I never got to do that with my father. I’ll always be your daddy, no doubt about that. But, our relationship will change as you become a man of your own. I hope you will be a man of God, and passionately pursue Heart every day. Remember, where you are, I’ve already been. I want to help you through those things.
I’m sure that there are tons of things I’ve left out here, but hopefully I’ll fill in the blanks along the way.
I love you more than you will ever know son,
Your Daddy
