“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I wam gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” - Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30 NASB)
Abba,
I come to you tonight so weary, and more with a heavier heart than I knew I could have. I hurt. There is a black hole that eats at my inside that I don’t want to hide from you anymore. As if I could hide it anyway though, right? You knew. You know. All along you’ve known. But while part of me runs after you, the other part still wants to keep some things to myself. So I tricked myself into thinking I could hide something from YOU. The almighty creator of everything there ever was or who be, who knows and sees all. And I would tuck it away from you. And it broke me. And I am scarred, and I am wounded, and bleeding, and crying, and scared, and broken, broken, broken. But I know you gave and broke your only Son so that in my brokenness, I could be made beautiful. To you, I am. I am your beautiful child, and you love, and there is nothing I can do that will ever make you love me less. But I feel like you do. I feel like there is no way you can look at me and see the unique creature that you created me to be. But your word tells me that is exactly what happens. I want to feel that. I know it is true deep down in my soul, but I can’t feel it tonight. Tonight I only feel far from you, and I know that it is me who has moved. Not you. You are constant, and unwavering. I am the variable in this equation. I use you when you suit me, and I put you on the shelf when you don’t. I am tired of not listening when you talk. Not acting when you convict. And not showing through my actions, words, and thoughts the man you made me to be. I want to rip this out at its roots and burn it gone. And then I want to walk by your side every day to keep it gone. Please, please, show me how. I’m begging you. I’m crying to you. I don’t cry, don’t you know that?! Please. Hear my cry.
God, please help me.
